Sleep Spent

This video is hilarious and distressingly pertinent:

Thank goodness my mother got rid of her SUV earlier this year. Sadly, though, she sold it to someone, which means that Lincoln Navigator is probably still in use. sigh

My mom helped me out yesterday in a big way. First she went to Santa Clara and picked up a dresser for me. Then she braved the traffic and crowds at Ikea in EPA and bought a bed frame. And then she drove all the way to San Francisco and helped me move them into my new room.

She’s like that.

Once we had everything out of her car, I suggested we go find parking and get something dessertish. So we parked on Castro and went to a coffee shop/bar at Market and Noe. We talked about the time she lived in SF and the time immediately following that when she and my dad lived in San Bruno and commuted here for work. She was a nurse at what is now Davies Medical Center at Duboce and Castro. I didn’t realize this until she told me.

Anyway, we had a nice long chat and then walked back to her car. As we did so, we passed this bum on the sidewalk who was laying out in his sleeping bag and who loudly said:

“You trying to seduce me with that necklace? You hussie!”

My mother was wearing a thin chain. The chain passes through the outline of a heart. It’s all gold and very pretty. I thought that comment was hilarious, but it understandably made mom a bit uncomfortable. “I like my necklace!” she said to me defensively, as I put my arm around her.

It seems she isn’t the only one.

In the outrageous intro to his new show The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert is surrounded by tons of words. Most of them are adjectives. And I felt the need to catalog them for you kids at home who don’t have a pauseable DVR.

I got to thinking about this when I happened to pause the intro sequence and saw the word “COCKS,” written backwards, clear as day. In letters like 15cm tall. Of course, it all zips by so fast, most people wouldn’t notice that.

Turns out, that was “COCKSURE” without the URE. Still made me laugh, though. :-)

So I went through the whole sequence and wrote down every word I could make out. Here’s the list. Do you see any I missed?

Nouns
bigness
courage
eager-beaver
fearlessness
gerry-mandering
good marksmanship
integrity
prestige
savage pride

Adjectives
actionable
anti-phlegmatic
bodacious
bold
carniverous
cocksure
courageous
critically-acclaimed
dogged
dogm[atic] (the last four letters never appear on the screen, but it’s definitely not dogged)
domineering
exceptional
gallant
gripping
grippy
gritty
gung-ho
hell-bent
heroic
incisive
patriotic
powerful
prestigious
rakish
relentless
risky
superior
tenacious
tough
trustworthy
undaunted
valiant
white

I think my favorite is anti-phlegmatic, just because it’s so outrageous. And either “good marksmanship” or “gerry-mandering” would have to win for “most off the wall.”

[UPDATE: Alphabetized the lists.]

OK, I hate people that post about how they scored on some idiotic quiz. Really, I do. “OK,” I say, “so you’re Hermione Granger. La-dee-freakin’-da.”

But I’ve been tempted and, just this once, I’m going to give in.

Five minutes into my internet session, I went to go press Return to begin a Google search. But on this keyboard (a different one from last night, much easier to type on) there are, inexplicably, three keys between the Page Down block and the arrow keys. Those three keys are Power, Sleep and Wake. And Power means what it says---it powers down immediately.

So I lost my search string, but I learned that when you power the machine back on and enter the code you used to begin the current session (50p/30 min), it starts back from the beginning. So that’s really 50p/unlimited internet. :-P

Sadly, though, I can’t get terminal access, so I can’t check my e-mail, since said e-mail is on a machine in Cupertino. Oh, well; I’ll have that all settled tomorrow.

So I went into Longs Drugs to get some pomade this evening. Two of the clerks, looking very much like seniors in High School, were fooling around, one while he was ringing me up. The other one gave him a card with a black and white photo of a “sexy hunk” on the front and walked away laughing.

“Man, you’re sick!” said Cashier.

“Well, it is Pride Weekend,” I joked, as he was yelling at his coworker. As he returned his attention to ringing me up, he realized I had said something.

“Hmm?” he asked. I repeated myself and he continued to stare blankly at me.

“The Pride parade in San Francisco? It’s this weekend.”

“Oh... I... I don’t know anything about that....”

He may not have been closeted, but he sure as hell was a shut-in. I have no idea how you could be that out of the loop. Live 105 has transformed itself into KGAY for the weekend, for God sakes!

Hello Ladies and Germs! Sorry about the lag between updates; I’ve been busy living it up before The Job starts.

I wanted to let everyone who reads this (yep, all 3 of you) know about a really great site I’ve been showing everyone lately:

Songs To Wear Pants To!

Check out some of the songs on that site. The explanation at the top and the e-mails below each entry will help the songs make more sense. Three of my favorite ones are in the archives (“Lame Bodybuilder Boss,” “I am Bjork” and “Celtic Techno Burrito”), while “Kazookazookazookazookazoo” is on the main page.

Give it a listen-hear!

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house. His Chemistry lab notebook was sitting there on his bed, and he was in another room... I saw an opportunity and seized it. I quickly scribbled “Zeel is a pussy willow” in the book at the top of one of the pages.

After I had done it, I discovered from his roommate Dennis (a good friend of mine) that his Chem professor is anal in the extreme about the lab book, and requires no crossing out of work or tearing out of pages.

So much the better. :-)

Weeks passed, and I mostly forgot about it. Until I left my phone at his house when I was over again on Friday night.

I just got it back, and I keep discovering new things that Zeel has added to it -- things I didn’t even know you could do. First of all, a bunch of people have been added to my address book. Useful people to know, like Harry Beaver and Dixon Cox. And I got a plethora of messages on my cell’s voicemail inciting me to come pick up my phone. (Something about them playing baseball with it....)

And then there’s the appointments which popped up several times, letting me know things like “Bad Nick” and such.

But I think my favorite is the comment I get at start up, while the phone is booting. It says, simply, “Lab book no no”. I like that one so much, I think I’m going to keep it.

Zeel, you’re a genius. Thank you! I just keep laughing! I’m still not sure I have found everything. :-)

Ever wanted to see rejected ads? What if I told you they were funny?

Give it a go.

There’s a whole bunch that were rejected because they were too risque.... You get the idea.